Partake of His Healing Power

Throughout my life I have struggled with feelings of self-doubt, unworthiness and just not being good enough. At times I felt I was a disappointment to my Father in Heaven and Savior. The only things that have helped me know that these thoughts are wrong, and come from the adversary, are the teachings of Jesus Christ found in the scriptures and the comforting gift of the Holy Ghost. 

One experience I had intensely brought these past feelings to the surface of my mind again. I always wanted to have a large family, but after delivering my second son I had a Strep B infection that almost took my life. The doctors had to perform an emergency hysterectomy. My husband and I cried so hard, and often still do, when we recall that day. Questions later filled my mind. Was I not good enough to be a mother? Did God not trust me to raise his children? The list went on. 

I wish I could say comfort came right away, but it took me a long time to truly believe that I was good enough to be a mother, and that God did trust me to raise his children. The number of times I have had answers to my prayers, times when I have needed reassurance that God is there and loves me, have been countless. Ten years ago, 1 Nephi 21:16 suddenly had new meaning to me. It says, "...thy walls are continually before me." 

I knew at that moment that whatever challenges I'm faced with, God is aware of them and is constantly thinking about them. He is always ready to help me get through them. After all, the beginning of that scripture says, "I have graven thee upon the palms of my hands." I know God loves us. He is aware of our struggles. He knows our needs and wants more than anything, for us to come as we are... that we may 'Partake of His Healing Power'. 

~Cayla Benard