Junior, Our Little Angel Baby

by Monica Cox, mother of Junior 
In July of 2006, my husband and I discovered that we were pregnant, hoping for a healthy baby after miscarrying two other pregnancies. Once we heard the heartbeat, we both took a huge sigh of relief, knowing that our chances of carrying this baby were very good. I felt the baby move inside me and heard the heartbeat at a few different office visits.

Our whole family called the baby “Junior” since we didn’t know his gender at the time. Then on November 17th, my husband and I went to the hospital for an ultrasound to find out what we were having. The technician seemed to hurry through the ultrasound, not wanting to answer any of our questions. Then the doctor came in and put the ultrasound on the baby’s heart and said, “Here is your baby’s heart, and unfortunately, it is not beating any more.”

We were shocked and stunned! It was beating the week before. We were moving in five days to another city. The doctor gave us the option of staying at the hospital to deliver the baby or wait until after we had moved. I knew I would not sleep knowing my baby was no longer alive, so I opted to stay at the hospital and deliver my baby.

It was just after midnight on November 18th when I delivered my precious angel baby boy. My husband and I held him in the palm of our hands and cried. He was so very small, yet so perfect with the tiniest little fingers and toes. A little voice kept whispering in my mind, “He’s not yours to keep right now.” A lady came to take some pictures and make molds of his little hands and feet, which are completely priceless to us.

The next year was the hardest one of my life. I was very angry and mad. I thought about Junior every day and cried all the time. The autopsy did not give us any answers as to why he died, so I blamed myself for our loss. I would talk about my feelings to anyone that would listen. My husband was also grieving and dealt with it in his own way. 

A very close friend gave me a heart charm with “Junior’s” name engraved on it. I wore it almost every day and loved to touch the charm. My husband bought a special ring to wear and engraved “Junior’s” name on it. It was very nice to have something tangible to remind us of our baby boy. We also purchased an East Canyon membership in memory of “Junior.” Every time we visit East Canyon, we are reminded of our angel baby whom we believe watches over our family.

Being the mother or father of an angel is a life-changing experience and has taught me lessons that could only be learned by going through this experience. It has helped me learn more compassion for others, more love for my own children, and more gratitude for the privilege I have to be a mother and raise four children on earth and one special baby boy when I get to heaven.

Each year we celebrate his birthday by sending the number of birthdays he's spent in heaven in balloons written with messages to him. This year my husband wrote, "I can't wait to wrap my arms around you someday." We also eat "angel" food cake for his birthday. 

I have had some very spiritual experiences that help me know that he is watching over our family. I feel like I need to live my life extra good to guarantee me the opportunity to be with him again. I like to picture in my mind what it will be like when I pass through the veil and see him on the other side. It's been six years after he went to heaven, and I feel privileged to have had this experience.